dear dude...

Dear dude in the movie theater bathroom last Friday night,

As a fellow dude and bathroom patron I am inclined to believe that you are aware that men worldwide have been blessed beyond measure with certain gifts. These gifts include, but are not limited to things such as a.) not having to give birth, b.) not having a menstrual cycle, and c.) having the ability to pee in an upright position. That being said, I am further inclined to remind you that such gifts should not be taken for granted. So, the next time you need to relieve yourself, make the effort to do as the rest of us and PISS IN THE DAMN TOILET--NOT ON THE FLOOR. After all, there just might be a gentleman in the stall next to you who is wearing his NEW FLIP-FLOPS and who doesn't appreciate having to wipe down his PISS-SPLATTERED SHINS.

There's no excuse for your blatant ineptitude, and had the setting been more appropriate the pissed-off (and on) gentleman in the stall next to you would have kicked your ass. Keep that in mind the next time you get the urge to go. Thanks, and have a great day.

Sincerely,

Dude in the stall next to you